Excerpt<\/p>\n
Chapter One<\/h1>\n
Blue<\/strong><\/p>\n Two things drew a crowd to the Heller Raiders MC\u2014weddings and funerals. Not that you could tell a difference between the two. Patches were always getting drunk, getting laid, or getting high.<\/p>\n Outside, bikes rumbled. Inside, girls danced in the center of the chapel, the main gathering room of the club. The clubhouse was a converted church. Fitting, since the MC was the closest I\u2019d ever come to finding salvation. I\u2019d never be saved, but, at least, with two wheels down, I wasn\u2019t dying.<\/p>\n Music blared through the room, and the party bled out into the parking lot where fire crackled in the oil drum. The oil drum wasn\u2019t my scene. I\u2019d heard enough of the old timers talking about riding when outlaw riders could outrun the law.<\/p>\n Rogue, VP of the Heller Raiders, lifted his beer for a toast. Here we go.<\/p>\n \u201cAccording to wedding tradition,\u201d he said, \u201cthe best man\u2019s speech should last as long as the groom can in bed. But we all know Bullet, and no one wants to listen to me talk all night. So, here\u2019s to women and Harleys\u2026and the Hellers who ride them.\u201d<\/p>\n The toast felt like a punch to the gut. They called me Blue because it\u2019d been a while since I\u2019d gotten my dick wet. I\u2019d slit my wrists, eat my gun, or jump from a fucking building before I let anyone discover the truth.<\/p>\n My problem wasn\u2019t getting girls. My issues were deeper and darker. I swallowed hard and ignored the burn of memories I\u2019d choke on before I\u2019d fucking dredge up the cesspool of emotions festering in my gut.<\/p>\n Kodiak hollered. \u201cMay your wives and lovers never cross paths.\u201d Then he laughed and wrapped his arms around Bristol who was sitting on his lap.<\/p>\n \u201cFormer <\/em>lovers,\u201d Lacey clarified.<\/p>\n \u201cStormy, you\u2019re a brave woman.\u201d Vega tossed back a shot. \u201cBullet, I don\u2019t know fuck about love. But honor her by getting on her<\/em> and staying on her<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n Vega, Kodiak, and Steele were the newest patches in the club. Former Night Crawlers. They\u2019d protected Bullet while he killed the Crawler MC from the inside.<\/p>\n Murph lifted his glass. \u201cMay your wedding night be like fried chicken, a bit of breast, a little thigh, and finger-licking good.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou all are assholes, and these are terrible toasts,\u201d Bristol said. \u201cStormy is my best friend.\u201d<\/p>\n Bristol and Lacey were both Bullet\u2019s former whores, otherwise known as his kittens\u2014his way of claiming their pussies as his property. Although Bullet declared his pimping days were behind him. The guy was a legend. I wanted to be just like him. Ride, fight, and fuck like a beast.<\/p>\n I was one for three. I rode a black and powder-coated Nightster, but I didn\u2019t fight for recreation. Some of the guys enjoyed going to the basement of the MC just to beat the shit out of each other. Nah, I held grudges. If you tried to get a sneak on me, I\u2019d fucking pound your head into the curb, and kick the shit out of you. I might not be strong enough to go fist to fist, but I fought dirty.<\/p>\n Another cheer went around the room. Another toast. Another round of drinks. Another fucking reason to get out of here. This was the shit that pissed me off. The Heller Raiders were celebrating, as if my life hadn\u2019t been fucked over again.<\/p>\n I wasn\u2019t pissed that Bullet married his lay. I guess even a pimp could get sick of professional pussy, not that I would know. I didn\u2019t sample the product. Bullet traded in skin. The girls worked, and I\u2019d made sure no one damaged the merchandise.<\/p>\n Protecting the girls was therapy. Being around pussy was better than seeing a shrink. My head was fucked, and it had nothing to do with the concussion I\u2019d gotten six weeks ago when Stormy\u2019s ex beat the fuck out of me.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t blame her. I did blame Bullet. He should\u2019ve told me to watch my back, that some mafia hitman and Stormy\u2019s ex were looking for her. Bullet owed me that much. I never would have let Kiss stay at Indulgence, Bullet\u2019s massage spa. I wouldn\u2019t have promised her she\u2019d be safe with me. I wouldn\u2019t have spent three weeks in bed while Kiss crawled back to the streets. I wouldn\u2019t have this knot of rage burning in my gut.<\/p>\n \u201cBlue, why so blue?\u201d Levi maneuvered into the chair next to me, not an easy task with her belly the size of a beachball.<\/p>\n I had to admit, I loved the girl. Everyone loved her. She was like an alpha-hole whisperer when it came to Hellers. When she was around, we all seemed to find our manners. Everyone except Romeo, treasurer and pretty boy of the MC. Not that he was an asshole to her. The opposite was true. According to the girls, Romeo did her dirty. And she loved it. He couldn\u2019t keep his hands off her or, apparently, his dick out of her.<\/p>\n I had an unhealthy preoccupation with sex. Maybe because I had a fucked up history with it.<\/p>\n Jazzy smirked and sat across from me.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t say shit,\u201d I said to her. Although I was grateful for the distraction. Anything to keep my focus off fucking. Jazzy was a boner killer for me. Good thing because she was Rogue\u2019s old lady, the only patched female in the MC, and she could kick my ass.<\/p>\n \u201cI think your concussion affected your personality,\u201d she said. \u201cYou\u2019re no fun anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n Jazzy and I had a tumultuous relationship. I\u2019d say she was like a sister, but I\u2019d never say the shit I said to Jazzy to my sister. Although I didn\u2019t say anything to my sister. Not anymore. We hadn\u2019t spoken in six years, and I was good with that. She could fuck off along with the rest of my family. I was better off without them.<\/p>\n Hana and Jazzy were like a professional tag team when it came to ball busting. Only Hana was dynamite. She came in a small package, wore a property of Blade cut, and she was brutally honest.<\/p>\n \u201cLook at them,\u201d Hana said as she watched the dance floor. \u201cIt\u2019s the ballet version of beauty and the beast.\u201d<\/p>\n Stormy stood on her tiptoes, balanced on top of Bullet\u2019s boots as he danced with her. I was glad he was able to save his girl, glad he married her, and had his happily ever after. Good for him.<\/p>\n My life was still fucked.<\/p>\n \u201cI need a drink.\u201d I pushed away from the table and crossed the room to the Altar, the club\u2019s bar.<\/p>\n Cruz stepped up next to me. \u201cThere\u2019s a party tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n My pulse spiked. Just what I needed, something to get me out of the MC for the rest of the night. Another opportunity to find Kiss.<\/p>\n In the last six weeks, Cruz and I had become friends while I\u2019d been laid up in Blade\u2019s room. Cruz rented the next room over. Our president hadn\u2019t said anything yet, but my time squatting was about up.<\/p>\n I needed fast cash and a new place to live. Before I\u2019d been clocked by the mafia hitman, I\u2019d been renting a room above a hair salon downtown. By now, those locks would have been changed. Thankfully, Jazzy had grabbed a lot of my things while I\u2019d been in bed. Who knew where the rest of my stuff was now, not that I had much to lose.<\/p>\n Since Bullet had closed down Indulgence, I\u2019d become an entrepreneur. Romeo had hooked me up with his source. Parting out eighths was giving me a bit of scratch, and an in to find Kiss.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s go,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n Cruz followed me to Blade\u2019s room. I grabbed a half dozen baggies of weed and stuffed them into the inside pocket of my cut. Because we were dealing, I carried a pocket pistol.<\/p>\n \u201cHow long did it take for you to get your patch?\u201d<\/p>\n Still prospecting for the MC, Cruz wore a cut but without the colors. I\u2019d earned my patch the hard way, not through time, but through service. Hellers and Crawlers had gone to war. I\u2019d proven my loyalty.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry,\u201d I said to Cruz as we stopped in his room. \u201cNothing changes until your mom puts you up for a vote.\u201d I didn\u2019t know how long it would take for Dozer, Cruz\u2019s sponsor, or mom as we called him, to patch him in. \u201cDozer is going to make you work for it. Know your club history. Fuck, dude, hang out at the oil drum, get the stories from the old timers.\u201d I slapped his back. \u201cWhen it happens, you know I\u2019m a yes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou fucking owe me for tonight,\u201d he said with a laugh. \u201cThe party is at a trailer on the west side. Bruh, a lot of traffic runs through my friend Kane\u2019s place. He\u2019s chill, but lately I\u2019ve had to ditch his scene.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s the issue?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHis sister, Hayley. We hook up occasionally, but it\u2019s nothing serious. We partied a couple weeks ago. She passed out, and I ended up having a threesome with one of her friends and her boyfriend.\u201d He checked his weapon and slid it into his pocket along with his cigarettes. \u201cHayley\u2019s pissed.\u201d He chuckled. \u201cI never pretended we were anything but friends, and we were barely that, but I guess I was a bit more serious for her.\u201d<\/p>\n I stalled, but not on the threesome, and not that Cruz would split a chick with another guy. If I\u2019d learned anything about Cruz, it was that he didn\u2019t give a fuck what anyone thought. Apparently, even his fucking girlfriend.<\/p>\n \u201cFuck, dude, you\u2019re with McKelle. Does she know?\u201d The walls in the MC weren\u2019t soundproof. For Cruz and McKelle, a good fucking either followed a good fight between them or caused one.<\/p>\n I knew because most nights I stayed up with a hard dick and listened to them fuck.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, we fought about it. McKelle is fucking psycho, but she\u2019s mine.\u201d<\/p>\n We slipped out the side door, climbed onto our bikes, and rode out of the MC. Should I feel like shit leaving Bullet\u2019s wedding reception? Maybe, probably, but fuck it.<\/p>\n With the wind in my face, and the roar of the pipes of my bike, I should\u2019ve been flying high. But I couldn\u2019t shake the mental playout of what I would do when I finally found Kiss. I was pissed at her for running from me.<\/p>\n I understood she had a volatile history with the MC, and a lot of it was shit. She\u2019d overdosed on heroin in the bathroom. And she had a fucked up relationship with Levi and Romeo. I got it. She hated seeing her ex best friend with her ex bad habit boyfriend, but Levi and Romeo were solid. Levi had a bean in her belly due to pop any day. Romeo was all in with her. From what Jazzy had told me, he always had been.<\/p>\n Another reason it had to hurt Kiss to see them together.<\/p>\n She still owed me more than a fuck off because she was uncomfortable with her former friends. Six weeks of being left on read. I\u2019d broken the dating rule of repeat texting, and I\u2019d tried calling a couple times.<\/p>\n Nothing. If she wasn\u2019t coming to me, she was depending on someone else. Sobriety was a fragile thing. Kiss had been in bed with black for a long time. Black, as in black tar heroin. Before the situation with Bullet and Stormy, she\u2019d been hitting the methadone clinic and trying to find ways of staying clean. Three trips to rehab hadn\u2019t helped, and I wasn\u2019t much of a sober sponsor.<\/p>\n Maybe because I had fucked up issues of my own.<\/p>\n Cruz and I rode to a shit part of town. The roads were rough, and the neighborhood was rougher. Some of the homes had boarded-up windows. Graffiti tagged street signs. Following Cruz, we turned into the Shady Valley mobile home park. Dogs barked as we rode through the old trailer court. The stench of rottenness saturated the air.<\/p>\n Residents loitered on their porches. This used to be Crawler territory. The club was dismantled, but there were still patches lying low. My Heller cut was going to be noticed.<\/p>\n Cars lined the narrow street. Cruz stopped and parked in a gap between two trailers. He nodded toward the older trailer with faded paint on the right. A couple of guys leaned against the rail of a weathered, wooden porch. A blond flipped his hair from his eyes, waved to Cruz, and separated from the group.<\/p>\n Cruz dropped his kickstand. I did the same, stripping off my riding gloves and resting them on my fuel tank.<\/p>\n \u201cYou made it,\u201d the guy said and fist bumped Cruz. \u201cI should\u2019ve mentioned Hayley\u2019s inside.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs she still pissed?\u201d<\/p>\n The guy laughed at Cruz\u2019s question. \u201cShe still won\u2019t talk to Piper.\u201d<\/p>\n Cruz climbed off his bike. \u201cThen Piper owes me. I\u2019ll take a blow in the bathroom.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re a dick.\u201d He laughed. \u201cDon\u2019t worry. Dax dried Hayley\u2019s tears. What\u2019s up?\u201d he said to me.<\/p>\n \u201cKane, this is my friend Blue,\u201d Cruz said.<\/p>\n I stepped closer and shook Kane\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n \u201cI hear you\u2019ve got something for me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPapaya Kush.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSweet.\u201d<\/p>\n If I was going to sell to his friends, I was going to have to get him high. We entered the trailer. I kept one hand in my pocket, but adrenaline was firing through me. The house reeked of weed, and the stale stench of filth.<\/p>\n Dishes filled the sink, and the counters were cluttered with open bags of chips and twelve pack boxes of cheap beer. Stains marred the threadbare carpet. Cigarette butts floated in half-full beer bottles, and a mangy tabby cat stretched along the back of a worn couch.<\/p>\n Typical of the parties and trap houses we\u2019d been crashing, people gathered in the kitchen. More people mingled in the living room. A blonde girl sat on a guy\u2019s lap and toked on a joint. Not Kiss. If she wasn\u2019t here, at least, I could make a little money.<\/p>\n When we walked into the living room, those on the couch moved off and gave space to us. I pulled a baggie and my pipe from my pocket and handed them to Kane. He loaded the bowl, brought the pipe to his lips, and inhaled long and deep.<\/p>\n As he held his breath, he passed the pipe back to me, but I nodded to Cruz. Once he\u2019d taken a hit, he gave the pipe to me.<\/p>\n Kane blew the smoke toward the ceiling. \u201cFuck, dude.\u201d He leaned his head back, reached an arm behind him, and sank his fingers into the cat\u2019s fur. \u201cThis is my favorite pussy.\u201d<\/p>\n A hallway stretched to the back of the trailer to bedrooms and a bathroom. While Kane and Cruz smoked my weed, I kept my head down, but I was fucking marking every blonde in the room.<\/p>\n A girl came from the hall and paused. \u201cDid you know he would be here?\u201d she asked Kane. This must be the pissed sister.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re looking good, Hayley.\u201d Cruz blew a stream of smoke in her direction.<\/p>\n \u201cFuck off.\u201d She glared at him. \u201cYou\u2019re both assholes. I\u2019m out of here.\u201d She stormed across the room, banged the door open, and flipped them off as she left.<\/p>\n While they smoked the bowl, I sold a couple of baggies. A guy with his hair in a ponytail, wearing a leather jacket, stumbled out of the back room. His eyes were blown as he slumped into the ratty recliner next to the couch.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is Sam,\u201d Kane said to me.<\/p>\n I nodded. \u201cBlue.\u201d<\/p>\n Sam smiled at Cruz. \u201cI haven\u2019t seen you around in a while. What\u2019ve you been up to?\u201d<\/p>\n Cruz knew everyone. The Mr. Rogers of the neighborhood. \u201cNot much.\u201d<\/p>\n Kane took another hit off the pipe. \u201cWhere\u2019s your girl?\u201d he asked Sam while holding his breath.<\/p>\n \u201cHaving a chocolate bar in the bedroom.\u201d<\/p>\n Hair on the back of my neck prickled. Kiss had confessed to me that chocolate bars, a dangerous combination of heroin and Xanax, were her weakness. My gut clenched as I thought of her in the other room, potentially taking her last breath.<\/p>\n Kane wasn\u2019t aware that I\u2019d stopped smoking to pay attention to the discussions happening around me.<\/p>\n \u201cShe wanted to smoke a bowl earlier,\u201d Kane said to Sam. \u201cBlue has eighths. Take a hit off of this shit.\u201d He passed the bowl.<\/p>\n Sam blew a stream of smoke toward the ceiling. \u201cFuck, that\u2019s good. How much?\u201d<\/p>\n My attention was on the hallway, willing a petite blonde to come striding into the room. I didn\u2019t care if she was high. I fucking needed Kiss back in my orbit.<\/p>\n \u201cBlue?\u201d<\/p>\n I turned to Kane and cocked a brow.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you have a bag for my friend?\u201d<\/p>\n I reached into my pocket and tossed a baggie onto the table. Sam inspected the buds, opened the baggie, and sniffed the weed.<\/p>\n Cruz stared at the doorway. Two girls came into the trailer. One had curly red hair hanging to her juicy ass. A tight T-shirt had been altered with a pair of scissors to make room for her tits. The other had short, dark hair, and she clung to a guy with a shaved head and a face full of tatts. The guy\u2019s gaze lingered for a moment on Cruz, then went to Sam. The redhead smiled and waved at Cruz. Maybe I\u2019d been idolizing the wrong Heller.<\/p>\n \u201cAnyone you know?\u201d I asked with a smirk on my face.<\/p>\n Cruz\u2019s only reply was a barely discernable nod.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll take another bag.\u201d Sam reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple of balloons mixed in with his money. \u201cCash or trade?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCash.\u201d Fuck heroin. I owned my truths. One hit, and I\u2019d be hooked. Maybe that\u2019s why I understood Kiss and the appeal of just saying fuck it and letting addiction have me. I stuffed the money into my pocket.<\/p>\n Cruz casually stood, but his hand tapped against his thigh. \u201cTime to go.\u201d<\/p>\n Not yet. I needed in the back bedroom where a girl was fucked up on heroin and Xanax.<\/p>\n Before I could speak, Cruz draped an arm over my shoulder. \u201cThrough the bedroom.\u201d We weaved through the short, crowded hall.<\/p>\n \u201cIs there a problem?\u201d Kane asked, following us into the bedroom.<\/p>\n \u201cNot with you and me,\u201d Cruz said to Kane. \u201cBut I don\u2019t like your friends.\u201d<\/p>\n Bile rose into my throat. Needles covered the top of the dresser. Blood splatter from junkies dotted the walls. Kiss and another girl sat on the bed with a couple of guys. She looked like shit. Dark bruises circled her eyes. How long had she been binging?<\/p>\n Her gaze connected with mine, and tears filled her eyes. She whispered, \u201cBlue,\u201d and shook her head. \u201cWhy are you here?\u201d<\/p>\n I rushed to her side, and she curled into herself.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy the fuck are you<\/em> here?\u201d I asked. \u201cFuck, Kiss. Why are you doing this?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d she almost didn\u2019t speak the words, but her lips moved.<\/p>\n \u201cYou should be. Are you smoking or shooting?\u201d Both were a death sentence for this girl. I flung her paraphernalia, a straw and foils, across the room. \u201cYou\u2019re fucking better than this.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cStop,\u201d she whimpered.<\/p>\n \u201cDude, what\u2019s your problem?\u201d one of the guys on the bed asked as he tightened a tourniquet on his arm.<\/p>\n Cruz crossed to the window, pried it open, and shoved out the screen. \u201cI\u2019m not fucking around,\u201d he said to me. \u201cWe need to go, now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat the fuck is going on?\u201d Kane raked his fingers through his hair.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you know him?\u201d Sam asked Kiss.<\/p>\n \u201cShe does, and she\u2019s coming with me.\u201d I grabbed her hand, pulled her to me, and lifted her into my arms.<\/p>\n \u201cI need my backpack.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe need to go,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n \u201cBlue, it\u2019s all I have.\u201d<\/p>\n Cruz jumped out of the window. I carried her to the ledge, slipped her legs through, and handed her to Cruz. He grabbed onto her and carefully lowered her.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t jump,\u201d one of the guys said and laughed.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat the fuck is wrong with using the front door?\u201d Sam asked.<\/p>\n \u201cFuck if I know,\u201d Kane said. \u201cBut I\u2019ve known Cruz long enough to trust his spider senses.\u201d<\/p>\n I grabbed her pink backpack off the floor and jumped out the window. Kiss reached for me. Cruz handed her over and took the backpack. Her thin arms clung to my neck.<\/p>\n Kane and Sam followed us out, dropping into the weeds surrounding the trailer.<\/p>\n \u201cGive her to me,\u201d Sam said and reached for Kiss.<\/p>\n I ignored his request, and Cruz held a finger up to his lips.<\/p>\n Sticks and dead grass crunched beneath our feet as we approached the neighbor\u2019s trailer. Late-night news blared through the screens. Staying out of the swath of light from the window, we rounded the rear of the trailer.<\/p>\n Cruz gripped my shoulder. Two unmarked police cars rolled slowly down the street, passed in front of us, and stopped. Another vehicle approached from the cross street, shutting down their headlights as they neared the trailers.<\/p>\n A large box vehicle rolled to a stop. S.W.A.T. was on the scene.<\/p>\n \u201cWe need some distance between us and them.\u201d Cruz crouched and pointed to the next trailer down.<\/p>\n Branches snapped in the distance. Cruz flattened out on the ground. Sam and Kane dropped and did the same. I ducked next to a pickup truck tire and, holding Kiss close to my chest, leaned against the front panel of the vehicle.<\/p>\n In the past few weeks, she\u2019d lost weight and lost her color. She was fragile in my arms, a butterfly with broken wings.<\/p>\n I stilled. She heard it, too. Her hands balled into fists and clutched my shirt.<\/p>\n \u201cShh.\u201d I slowed my breathing but still drank in the scent of her. Not the vile stench of drugs, but the underneath softness of the insecure girl. Contrary to what Bullet thought, Kiss and I had never been anything more than friends. I\u2019d never fucked her, never kissed her. I\u2019d hardly touched her.<\/p>\n Not that I hadn\u2019t wanted more. Not that I hadn\u2019t fucked my fist to thoughts of having her under me. I had her in my arms now, but this girl was a fucked up beautiful disaster.<\/p>\n A small group of guys in S.W.A.T. gear skirted the rear of the property. Focused on their target, they moved with stealth toward Kane\u2019s trailer.<\/p>\n Sweat trickled down my temples, and my heart slammed against my ribs to the point I couldn\u2019t quell the adrenaline firing through my veins. My fluctuating breaths left me lightheaded and amped as fuck.<\/p>\n As soon as they cleared the adjacent trailer, I released an exhale. Cruz, Sam, and Kane crawled to my hiding spot. We huddled together.<\/p>\n \u201cThat was fucking close,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n \u201cOur bikes aren\u2019t an option.\u201d Cruz chewed his thumbnail. Cops waited up and down the street. S.W.A.T. was moving into position.<\/p>\n \u201cWe need to get farther away, blend in with the neighbors, and wait it out.\u201d I raised up enough to peer over the top of the vehicle.<\/p>\n Kiss tapped my shoulder. \u201cI can walk.\u201d<\/p>\n She slid down my body but clung to my cut.<\/p>\n \u201cStay close to me.\u201d My voice was just above a whisper.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy do you keep trying to save me?\u201d<\/p>\n Because I wanted to be her savior, even if it meant becoming her tormentor. I\u2019d find a way to get through to her. Everyone had given up on her. I wouldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n \u201cLater,\u201d Cruz said.<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s a trailer for rent next to the vacant lot.\u201d Kane pointed to the left.<\/p>\n As quietly as possible, we crept along the back of the trailers. More police cars approached.<\/p>\n We scurried past two more trailers. Officers holding K9 units gathered on the corner, pointing in the direction of Kane\u2019s trailer.<\/p>\n Cruz held his hand up, signaling for us to hold back. He strode to the front of the trailer and tugged the For Rent sign from the ground. Then he waved us toward the rickety porch. I sat next to him on the top step and pulled Kiss onto my lap.<\/p>\n Kane and Sam sat on the bottom step.<\/p>\n \u201cHow did you know?\u201d Kane asked Cruz.<\/p>\n \u201cBecause he\u2019s a fucking narc.\u201d Sam seethed with his accusation. \u201cAnd his friend came for Kiss. What was the plan? To let the rest of us take the hit?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShut the fuck up,\u201d Kane snapped. \u201cI\u2019ve known Cruz too long.\u201d But his gaze hardened on me. \u201cI don\u2019t know you. Are you dealing for the cops?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s with me,\u201d Cruz said. \u201cThat\u2019s all you need to know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHave you looked at his cut? Blue\u2019s a Heller Raider.\u201d Kiss leaned her head on my shoulder. She could scarcely keep her eyes open, and her words slurred. \u201cHe\u2019d never work with the cops.\u201d<\/p>\n I wiped drool from her mouth. \u201cStay with me, Kiss.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just need to sleep for a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n Boom!<\/em> A concussion grenade blasted the neighborhood. Car alarms blared, and dogs barked. The cops shouted orders, and neighbors began to filter out of their trailers to watch the entertainment.<\/p>\n \u201cFuck, Kane, they brought in the big guns for you.\u201d Sam pulled out his cigarettes.<\/p>\n \u201cNot for me,\u201d Kane said. \u201cMaybe for me, but I\u2019m not dealing. Do they usually bring in S.W.A.T. for a party?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNah.\u201d Cruz spoke with the cigarette bouncing between his lips. \u201cThis is a no-knock warrant.\u201d He nodded toward Sam. \u201cWatch your back. I think the warrant is for you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow the fuck would you know?\u201d Sam leaned against the wooden slats of the porch.<\/p>\n Cruz leaned forward and spoke to Sam. \u201cBecause you\u2019re pushing black, and the skinhead with the face full of ink sold scripts to an undercover a couple weeks ago. As soon as he saw you, he pulled out his phone, sent a text that couldn\u2019t have been more than one word.\u201d<\/p>\n Sam\u2019s forehead pinched, and his gaze narrowed on Cruz. \u201cWho the fuck are you, Sherlock Home?\u201d<\/p>\n The cop cars were now flashing their lights and warning residents closest to Kane\u2019s trailer to stay in their homes.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s Sherlock Holmes, and no, I\u2019m observant.\u201d<\/p>\n Kane snorted. \u201cHe\u2019s a fucking savant with spider senses.\u201d<\/p>\n Sam stared down the street at the commotion of the bust. \u201cIf they\u2019re looking for me, I need to get off the street.\u201d He crushed his cigarette beneath his boot, climbed the few porch steps, and checked the door of the trailer. \u201cI\u2019ll find a way in.\u201d He jumped off the backside of the porch, checking windows as he moved to the rear of the trailer.<\/p>\n Neighbors loitered in their driveways, on the street, and kicked back on their porches to watch the raid happening at Kane\u2019s trailer.<\/p>\n Two minutes later, the door popped open. We filtered into the trailer and bolted the door.<\/p>\n Cruz and Kane opened the curtains in the living room and the blinds in the kitchen.<\/p>\n \u201cStay out of sight in the bedrooms,\u201d Cruz said. \u201cCops will do a window search before forcing their way in. Don\u2019t give them anything to see.\u201d<\/p>\n Sam sagged against the wall and glanced to Cruz. \u201cI owe you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wasn\u2019t trying to save your ass,\u201d he said with a serious note. \u201cBut understand, I have a favor from you on tap when I need it.\u201d<\/p>\n He nodded.<\/p>\n I led Kiss to the rear of the trailer and into one of the back bedrooms. There wasn\u2019t any furniture, but the place seemed clean. It didn\u2019t stink, and the carpets had vacuum cleaner tracks. She dropped to the floor, lay on her side, and pillowed her hands beneath her cheek.<\/p>\n I sat underneath the window, leaned against the wall, bent my knees, and draped my hands over them. She rolled and faced me.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy haven\u2019t you answered any of my texts?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n Red and blue lights cut through the blinds and illuminated the room. Blonde hair that reminded me of pale sunsets tumbled around her face, but her blue eyes clouded with a drug induced inkiness.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t get the messages.\u201d She shifted her gaze away from me.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t bullshit me, Kiss. I\u2019ve been texting you for six weeks. I\u2019ve been hitting up parties and trap houses with Cruz since I\u2019ve been able to sit on my bike. I was out of my fucking head worried about you. You didn\u2019t say shit to anyone. You just left. Fuck. Kiss, at Indulgence\u2014\u201d I swallowed the lump in my throat. \u201cI didn\u2019t know if they hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n She kept her eyes lowered. A couple moments of silence followed. She wasn\u2019t going to explain, maybe ask how the fuck I coped with my injuries. She was able to walk away from that night.<\/p>\n \u201cAt least, fucking look at me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFine.\u201d Her gaze snapped back at me.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t fucking try to guilt me on this.\u201d I\u2019d been her 911 for weeks before shit went down at Indulgence. I\u2019d bought her food, hotels, and paid her fucking cell phone bill for the last few months, so she wouldn\u2019t have to go to her source and pay with pussy.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not.\u201d She sat up and crossed her legs. \u201cI wanted to call.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou should\u2019ve been at the MC, then you wouldn\u2019t have had to worry about calling. But you gave zero fucks about me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, who is dealing in guilt?\u201d<\/p>\n I sighed and plucked a stray string from the threadbare patch at the knee of my jeans. \u201cI guess I am. I was down for three weeks, Kiss.\u201d Apathy was worse than rejection. I\u2019d nearly lost everything trying to protect her. I betrayed my friendship with Bullet. I\u2019d lied to my mentor, to a man who\u2019d shown me nothing but respect\u2014for her. \u201cYou could\u2019ve told me to my face to fuck off.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt wasn\u2019t about you.\u201d<\/p>\n I growled, and my teeth clenched. It was never about me. Only it was always about me. \u201cThat\u2019s the problem, Kiss. It should\u2019ve been about me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI couldn\u2019t stay at the MC. I didn\u2019t mean to stay away from you.\u201d Her voice quieted. \u201cI couldn\u2019t call or text.\u201d She released a shaky exhale. \u201cI sold my phone.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFor black?\u201d<\/p>\n She nodded.<\/p>\n I dropped my head back against the wall and closed my eyes. \u201cMake me understand, Kiss. Because I\u2019m trying to figure out why I give a fuck when you don\u2019t. I\u2019m talking about everything. You don\u2019t give a fuck about me. You clearly don\u2019t care about yourself or about staying clean.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not worth caring about. I told you I\u2019d eventually fuck you over, but you wouldn\u2019t believe me. Don\u2019t make this my fault. What do you want from me?\u201d<\/p>\n Before I could reply, Cruz stood in the hallway, read the room, and spoke to the other guys.<\/p>\n \u201cIn here.\u201d Cruz indicated the room across the hall. \u201cThey need a bit of privacy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know who the fuck he is to her,\u201d Sam said. \u201cBut I\u2019ve been feeding her habit. We deal in trade, and she owes me.\u201d<\/p>\n Tears slipped onto Kiss\u2019s cheeks, and her eyes slowly closed. This was how she fucked me up.<\/p>\n I jumped to my feet and crossed the room. \u201cYou stick another fucking needle in her and the next hit you put in your veins will be drain cleaner.\u201d<\/p>\n Cruz stepped between us. \u201cStep back, Sam. Make sure you want this kind of trouble. She\u2019s a fucking Heller, and that makes her ours.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCalm the fuck out,\u201d Kane said. \u201cWe\u2019ve got bigger problems. The whole fucking police department is in my crib.\u201d He glared at Sam. \u201cI\u2019m not blaming you, but this might all be your fault. You need to sit the fuck down.\u201d<\/p>\n Sam stared past me to Kiss. Then he glared at Cruz. \u201cConsider the favor repaid.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDoesn\u2019t work that way,\u201d Cruz said. \u201cI\u2019ll decide when we\u2019re square.\u201d He turned to me. \u201cYou good?\u201d<\/p>\n I nodded. \u201cI swear, if he comes near her again, it\u2019s on sight.\u201d No warning. No words. I\u2019d fucking take him out.<\/p>\n \u201cI got your back, bruh.\u201d Cruz stepped into the room across the hall. I returned to Kiss and sat in the same position as before. This time, she crawled across the carpet, sat next to me, and leaned against the wall. We were both silent as dogs barked outside the trailer. Blue lights continued to cut through the darkness.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know what to do for you,\u201d I said to her. \u201cYou need help. What I\u2019m doing isn\u2019t working.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t want to go to rehab again.\u201d She leaned her head against my shoulder. \u201cYou don\u2019t know how hard it is to stay clean.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I do.\u201d I lived it every fucking day. Memories were my demons. Had I thought of sticking a needle in my arm to turn my pain into pleasure? I did, as many times as I thought about swallowing my gun to blow the fucking images I couldn\u2019t forget out of my head.<\/p>\n Like the moon, I had a dark side. A monster lurked inside me. Drugs promised an escape, but I had a greater fear of what could be unleashed. Suffering was penance for a fucked up life.<\/p>\n \u201cWe all have demons, Kiss. Every time you shoot up, you\u2019re letting your fears control you.\u201d<\/p>\n Tears slipped onto her cheeks. \u201cIn treatment, the first step is admitting we\u2019re powerless over our addictions. Nailed it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFuck twelve steps. You have to make a choice. Decide if you want to live or die.\u201d<\/p>\n On Amazon and Kindle Unlimited<\/a><\/p>\n Dear Reader, Heller Raiders MC romance series. Bad boy bikers, dangerous drama, and lots of spice. These are gritty stories including violence, drug use and graphic language. Get ready for a wild ride. Some readers may find content disturbing. Blue …<\/span> Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-883","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kyannwaters.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/883","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kyannwaters.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kyannwaters.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kyannwaters.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kyannwaters.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=883"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/kyannwaters.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/883\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":884,"href":"https:\/\/kyannwaters.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/883\/revisions\/884"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kyannwaters.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=883"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kyannwaters.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=883"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kyannwaters.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=883"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"http:\/\/kyannwaters.com\/wordpress\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/Blue750-200x300.jpg\")
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